My Story Introduction | Stage 0 | Stage 1 | Stage 2 | Stage 3 | Stage 4 | Stage 5 | Stage 6
Stage 4: Mega Search + Medical Sham
3+ Years After Diagnosis
Mega Search
The previous stages led me to a desperate need to find answers to questions you may have too, like:
- Why MS?
- Why Me?
- Why Now?
- Why Has Conventional Medicine Failed Me?
- Who Am I Now? (Stage 5)
- Where am I now? (Stage 5)
- What Next? (Stage 5)
To answer these questions I went on an in depth and extensive search using: Cambridge University Library, Personal / self development books, resources and seminars, Medical resources and reference books, Online MS Forums and discussion groups, Networking and discussions with medical experts.
Frankly, I was both shocked and enlightened by my discoveries as documented in this site. Discoveries which enabled me to find answers to those burning questions above....
Why MS?
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis because the tests designed to identify MS and my symptoms indicated that I had MS.
I do not dispute the test results as I saw them. Nor do I dispute the symptoms. I know them well!
MS Scream
However, I do question whether such tests and symptoms proved that I had an illness called Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis.
You see, what really baffled me was how one ‘label’ was used to explain the many different symptoms and sicknesses I and others were experiencing.
And why, as mentioned in Stage 0, were my ‘MS like symptoms’ called ‘Torture Syndrome’ not ‘MS’ in the RAF?
I then discovered that MS symptoms are very similar to those of other chronic auto immune diseases like Parkinson’s, and Hughes Syndrome. As fellow MS researcher Paul Jones points out:
“Few of the symptoms of MS are unique to the disease and, even if you have one or more of them,
it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have MS.”
Similarly, Prof. Alan Thompson, Institute of Neurology, UK agrees, saying:
“The diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis is very difficult.
You need neurologists with the knowledge to distinguish it from other things.”
What these gentlemen said blew my mind!
After tonnes more research and further discussions and correspondence with experts like auto immune specialist Noel Batten, Dr William Wong and Functional Medicine advocate Dr Mark Hyman, the light bulb flashed on!
Yes, I’m a slow learner! 
I realised that the reason for such widespread MS symptoms and illnesses was NOT because of what Conventional Medicine claims are the key causes: Myelin degeneration and the body attacking itself.
As you will see in Core: Emotions - 1. How Holistic Medical Approaches Explain the Emotional Heart and Manifestation of MS, abundant proof exists to show that the conventional view is wrong.
Rather, the varied MS symptoms and illnesses are indicative of fundamental gene and cellular imbalances originating in deep, probably prolonged internal emotional stress and/or tension.
As Noel Batten said to me and others:
“Why are we not being told how medical research has documented that emotional stress causes diseases like multiple sclerosis, so we can overcome it and avoid a lifetime of pharmaceutical drugs?”
Good question!
As you may know, the answer is due to how much of Conventional Medicine is practiced, described by disillusioned Dr Guylaine Lanctot:
“The bottom line is that the medical systems are controlled by financiers in order to serve financiers.
Since you cannot serve people unless they get sick,
the whole medical system is designed to make people sicker and sicker”
For more on this ‘Medical Mess’, and how you may be damaged by it, see Core: Scene Setting - 1. How and Why Chronic Diseases like MS are ‘Managed’ by Conventional Medicine and
‘Why Has Conventional Medicine Failed Me?’ below.
My Conclusion: ‘Why MS’?
Yes, I have had weird symptoms which resembled MS. But I now believe that they are NOT exclusively symptomatic of Multiple Sclerosis, but rather of fundamental cellular imbalances and deep emotional stress, as explained in much more detail under Core.
That is why I recommend we remove disease ‘labels’ and instead look at the roots of such imbalances.
Indeed, whenever MS clients ask for my help, I encourage them to abandon the ‘MS Goggles’, and look at their symptoms functionally and holistically, without the convenient but mis-leading baggage of ‘Labels’. Such labels represent culturally derived ‘norms’ and expectations about MS which often worsen your struggles......
Besides which, I do NOT ‘see’ my clients as ‘having MS’.
I DO see and respect each of them as a unique individual with symptoms and causes unique to them. This enables me position their recovery in the broader sense of enjoying overall wellbeing, NOT JUST from the perspective of ‘recovering from Multiple Sclerosis.’
Why Me?
Why Not Me?
Now I see clearly that I allowed my upbringing and lifestyle to damage my health and wellbeing. Even though it was unconscious or not deliberate.
I am the cause NOT the victim.
My MS origins were rooted in suppressed emotional tension caused largely by my perception of my autocratic father. Much of my subsequent life was focused on proving to him, myself and others that I was ‘worthy’ of love and attention.
Success Mirage
This life was characterised by a frenetic globe trotting lifestyle. I had little time to eat, sleep or relax properly. My mind, body, heart and sole became devoid of nutrient and genuine, unconditional love.
Externally, I was wealthy, successful and conformed to the image of the high flying, globe trotting professional. Inside I indulged in ego dramas and hid behind walls of emotional scar tissue.
Physically, I became a Toxic Time Bomb...... over-acidified and under-oxygenated.
This caused a disruption of the energy flows throughout me. My immune system broke down because the electrical signals and nutrients so necessary for the proper functioning of the nerves and cells had short circuited or burnt out.
Indeed, I was literally a classic case of Burn out. Energy does not and cannot lie.
Why Now?
As you have seen, the apparent suddenness of my symptoms belies the reality.
Such symptoms had appeared throughout my life. But they were ‘labeled’ as something else. Or they appeared as less serious because they were temporary, and by sheer mental and emotional force, I suppressed them.
Only when my body broke down totally, was I forced to admit that I had a BIG problem.
It was just a matter of time. I was after all a toxic time bomb waiting to detonate!
So what triggered this bomb?
My relationship with my husband to be.
You see, it was the first time in my life where I experienced genuine love: me for him. Him for me. It was beautiful.
But it also frightened me. Why?
I lacked the emotional intelligence or maturity to accept and enjoy such Unconditional Love, and to open myself to the Vulnerability implicit within it.
Remember, I had been a control freak. Unconditional love just is. It’s totally opposite to ‘Control’ .
To be totally naked and vulnerable with another is beautiful. But it is also one of the hardest human feats to achieve. As you will discover in Stage 6: Meaningful Success + My Self, we are so wrapped up in our own ego dramas that we cannot conceive the true beauty and need to be vulnerable.
It was this tension between wanting to love and be loved, but being afraid of so doing that finally tipped my balance. Marc Sircus, AC., OMD. says it all:
“Heart Intelligence teaches us that our march into sickness
begins with our avoidance of the true vulnerability of being”.
Why Has Conventional Medicine Failed Me?
Conventional Medicine failed me because its representatives mis-informed me about the nature and causes of MS.
To be told that I had a maximum of 10 years to live after diagnosis was more crippling than the illness itself! Had I accepted that verdict I would have fulfilled the expert’s prophesy for sure.
Indeed, many times when I was really ill, I wondered: “Are the docs right?”
Stubbornness can sometimes be a life saver!
Please also understand that current Conventional Medicine is NOT designed to Prevent or Cure any Illness. It is designed to treat symptoms. It is reactive not proative, and potentially damaging to your health!
As Dr Matthias Rath says:
“The pharmaceutical ‘business with disease’ is the largest deception and fraud business in human history. The product ‘health’ promised by drug companies is not delivered to millions of patients. Instead, the ‘products’ most often delivered are the opposite: new diseases and frequently, death”.
In contrast, our body is designed to be healthy and to enjoy self regulation and self healing. When we disrupt this balance illness results.
Until I was desperately ill, I chose an unbalanced lifestyle, toxic medications, and ultimately, MS. In this way, MS was MY unwitting Choice!
Conclusion
Stage 4 was the real beginning of Enlightenment for me. I learned that:
- I was responsible for my MS: I WAS NOT, in my father’s words, being ‘Punished’ by X.
- I caused my MS by unbalancing my mind, body heart and soul and by shutting myself off from unconditional love and vulnerability.
- My Inner emotional stress and turmoil defined me internally. My MS defined me externally.
- The MS label both helped and hindered my ability to cope with this ambiguous, ever changing chronic disease.
- In Stage 4 I began to question whether my symptoms were exclusively due to MS, or, rather to fundamental cellular imbalances and inner tension.
- Current Conventional Medicine is NOT designed to prevent or cure any Illness. Our Body IS.
My next challenges were to answer the questions addressed in Stage 5:
Previous Stage - Stage 3 | Next Stage - Stage 5
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