Gay with MS?

Gay with MS?

In recognition of your unique issues, especially when it comes to sex, I would like to dedicate this Introductory blog to lesbian women and gay men - hence shortened to ‘Gay’ people - who have MS.

While you probably share many of the experiences that straight men and woman described in this site have with MS, it seems to me that Gay people with MS are like a ‘minority within a minority’ Right?

What happens when you want to discover more about or discuss Gay sex, sexuality and MS? Who can you go to who understands?

The fact is, there is very little published research, or information on Gay sex and disability. The few sources below may help.

For example, it may not be as easy for you to find medical or health care professionals who are both knowledgeable about MS and insightful about dealing with Gay couples and individuals.

In addition, you have the added worry of being stigmatised by those from whom you are seeking help.

Does this mean you are not supposed to have a sex life?

I know for example of some gay folk like Ted (name changed) who are in an Institution. His situation shows many of the difficult issues gay people encounter daily, especially if in care.

Ted’s MS reached a point where he could not care for himself in his apartment, and his lover Phil, couldn’t take the time off work needed to help.

The chronic care setting where Ted lives is not geared to providing either the social life that he thrived on, or the privacy that both Phil and Ted repeatedly requested.

Ted was sexually frustrated by this situation. He missed the physical closeness and caressing with Phil. Their touching caused discomfort among residents and staff. Ted also had concerns about changes in his sexual responsiveness over the past year, especially the reduced sensitivity to anal stimulation which had always been very pleasurable to him.

He was unsure who to ask about this or what reaction he would get if he did. He knew he was not the only person in the Care facility with such concerns.

Reduced privacy, intimacy and touch are common for people living in institutional settings. I think the attitudinal and administrative barriers preventing sexual rights for people with physical disabilities are even greater for gay people.

In addition to these issues, gay men with MS and their families and friends may face the personal and social implications of HIV/AIDS. This can include grief at the loss of loved ones, concern for one’s own well being and anger at the stifling effect of discriminatory attitudes.

What is your experience of MS and gay sex? What information and help do you need?

Let’s please have an open discussion about the issues you face and see how we can work together to resolve them.

Further information from:

• Yvonne Duffy’s Book: ‘All things are Possible’ 1981 includes a chapter on the feelings and experiences of disabled women. While some of the quotes reflect negative experiences of family rejection of their sexual orientation, or shyness at approaching potential partners because of concerns about their disability, others stressed feelings of adequacy, satisfaction and feelings of strength and self acceptance that comes from intimate relationships the seem right for you.
• ‘Sapphistry: The book of Lesbian Sexuality’ by P Califia 1980. Includes discussion of sexuality for disabled lesbian women.
• ‘Enabling Romance’ by Ken Kroll and Erica Levy Klein Publisher: No Limits Communications, 2001. This book is considered by many to be “The Joy of Sex for people with disabilities”. Enabling Romance candidly covers: shattering sexual stereotypes; building self-esteem; creative sexual variations; reproduction and contraception for people with disabilities; specific information on several different physical and sensory disabilities, including spinal cord injury, multiple sclerosis, postpolio syndrome, muscular dystrophy, cerebral palsy, amputation, blindness and deafness.
• GLAMS - Gay men and Lesbians Affected by MS is a dedicated support group providing advice and support, organised via the UK MS Society. Email, phone, and mail contact details are given on their page.
• EDGE: (Education in a Disabled, Gay Environment) is an organisations for Gay people with disabilities. The address is P. O. Box 305, Village Station, New York, NY 10014, USA.